Empower U To Success

Patterns

2011-09-25T12:50:00.008+10:00

Patterns are things that we do on a consistent basis and are done at an unconscious level.

Your patterns of thoughts, language and behaviour will determine the quality of your life and the results that you achieve.

Many of your patterns have come about from influences and experiences from your environment.

Hopefully the environments you have been exposed to have led you to develop healthy patterns.

Unfortunately though there may be patterns that you are following that may not be serving you well in your life.

It is critical to identify any patterns that are not serving you and to interrupt them.

If you are not experiencing the results that you want in various areas of your life an examination of the patterns creating these results is necessary. You will find that a pattern of thoughts, language or behaviour is not allowing you to experience what you desire. Continuing to follow these patterns will lead to the same results occurring in your life.

Below are some common examples of unhelpful patterns.

* Focusing on and only seeing the negatives in everything.

* Not completing things, always leaving things unfinished.

* Being critical and judgemental of oneself and others.

* Not feeling worthy to receive.

* Inability to say “No” to others when necessary – ‘Disease to Please’.

* Justifying and laying blame.

* Doing everything for others and failing to support yourself.

The key to interrupting these unhelpful patterns is to commit to making a conscious choice to cease them and replace them with a healthier pattern.

Whatever your pattern is do the opposite to what you would normally do. For instance, if you normally are critical of yourself and others do the opposite by paying compliments to yourself and others. Make it a daily habit. Repetition created your unhealthy patterns, so allow repetition to create new healthy patterns.

Take control of your life. Be a creator of the patterns that will serve your life the best.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Planning

2011-07-07T08:26:00.008+10:00

As the saying goes “If you fail to plan you plan to fail”.

The question I would like to ask of you is “Are you investing some time in planning each week?”

Planning helps to set you up for success. So many times people fail to achieve what they want in life due to an absence or lack of adequate planning.

Planning is a worthwhile investment of your time. It is important to make time for it. A small amount of time spent planning can assist you in being more effective with your time and can help you to achieve better outcomes in your life.

Planning helps you to become the creator of your life. It allows you to come up with deliberate strategies/approaches to achieve the outcomes that you want. Your life only happens once so give yourself the time to plan how you want to live and experience it.

Planning keeps you focused on what actions you need to be taking. It provides you with a step by step guide to follow.

Planning can help you to identify potential challenges and can allow you to come up with a contingency of options available to you to help you overcome these challenges.

Planning also helps you to formulate new ideas and ways of doing things. It gives you space to be creative.

Most importantly with planning is implementing the plan. Once you have decided on a plan put it in to practice. Good intentions are not going to help you.

As you implement your plan review your progress on a regular basis and make any necessary adjustments to your plan to achieve the preferred outcomes you want.

There are many tools available to assist you with planning. Search on the Internet and you will find templates and software that can assist you with your planning. Office supply retailers will also have planning resources.

You can create plans for various aspects of your life e.g. Health, Finances, Career, Business, Relationships, Spiritual, Emotions, Time Management etc.

Make time for planning and you will reap the many benefits of doing so.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Making the Right Choices

2011-03-21T12:03:00.009+11:00

The quality of your life will depend on the choices that you make.

The results that you are receiving in the different areas of your life will be the accumulation of the day to day choices that you are making in those areas. If you are not achieving the results that you want in particular areas reflect on your past and current choices and ask yourself “Am I making the right choices and do I need to commit to making some different choices?”

Some of the important choices you may want to think about are:

* How you spend your time;

* Who you decide to have relationships with;

* How you manage your money;

* How you treat yourself;

* Your attitude in life;

* Being truthful; and

* How you respond to events in life.

Your choices will steer the direction that your life takes.

It is therefore important that you think carefully about the choices that you are making.

Time is precious and you need make sure that you are spending it wisely. Spend time doing things that you enjoy, that make you happy, that contribute to helping you achieve what you want in life and that assist you in maintaining your wellbeing. Make sure that you allocate and spend time on important priorities i.e. health, exercise, developing and maintaining relationships, having fun, involving yourself in areas that you are passionate about, doing things that you enjoy, taking the time-out to rest and relax, getting adequate sleep, self-development etc.

Who you surround yourself with has a huge influence on your life. It is important that you have relationships with people that have a positive influence on you. Develop and maintain relationships with people that make you feel good about yourself, that encourage and support you, that have your best interest at heart and add value to your life.

Manage your financial situation so that you are in control of it and it is not controlling you. Know what is happening with your money. Be proactive with managing this area of your life. Have a budget in place that you stick to that ensures you plan your expenses and income. Educate yourself on understanding how to manage your money and how to make your money work for you. Set goals to work towards. Understand the concept of delayed gratification. Seek help if necessary.

Support yourself in a caring way. Make it a priority to take the time to do the things that will nourish you, that give you the necessary energy to live life well and that will keep you healthy. By supporting yourself first you will be more effective in supporting others. Allow yourself to receive from others. Remember, receiving is just as important as giving. Speak to yourself kindly and with encouragement.

Maintain a positive attitude. Focus on the positives in your life and be grateful and thankful for them. Develop a ‘can do’ attitude where you look for opportunities and solutions, and then implement the necessary action. See your life as a wonderful adventure with many things to enjoy and look forward to.

Be truthful to yourself and others. Speak and live your truth. Be authentic to yourself and others in your words and actions.

Respond to life’s events in a way that keeps you moving forward in a positive direction. Learn from your experiences and apply this learning to improve your life.

Making those better choices, as suggested above, on a daily basis will increase the level of happiness and fulfillment you experience in your life both today and in the future.

Make a choice right now that you will let go of poor choices that are not serving you and commit to making better choices that will help you live the life that you want and be the person you desire to be.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Commitment

2010-12-14T11:31:00.008+11:00

If you think about the results or outcomes that you are receiving in any area of your life there will be a correlation to the level of commitment you are providing in that area.

I know that when I reflect on areas of my own life, whether it be when I was at school or in my career, business, relationships, finances or spiritual life, I have always achieved the best results or outcomes when I have been truly committed.

If you are not achieving the results or outcomes in any area of your life evaluate for a moment your level of commitment in that area. Be honest with yourself. Could you be committing more in those areas? Are you dedicating the necessary time, energy, and resources to achieve the results or outcomes that you want in that area?

There is a general tendency for people to be committed to areas that are already going well for them and to neglect or avoid committing to those areas that need some improvement. Human nature comes into play and we are drawn towards those areas that we feel comfortable and confident with and less so to those areas that we are not so comfortable or confident with.

If you want to improve the results or outcomes in any area of your life all you need to do is increase the level of commitment in those areas. If you are not in a career that you enjoy be committed in exploring other options that interest you. If your relationship with your partner is not where you would like it to be commit to initiating some type of actions that will improve it. If your finances are not in a good situation be committed to seeking out solutions and applying new strategies. If your health is not in a good state commit to taking the necessary steps to enhance it. You will find that when you commit more of your time, energy and resources to these areas that your results and outcomes will improve.

When we fail to commit to those things that we know that we need to be doing we continue to experience results and outcomes that are unsatisfactory in our lives.

Commitment is making a pledge to yourself that you will do what it takes to achieve the results or outcomes that you want.

Commitment is a key ingredient to success and happiness in our lives.

Below are some strategies that can assist you in becoming more committed:

* Use language to help you to commit. Say to yourself “I will, I must, I am, I can”. This type of language will create a momentum towards taking action.

* Write down the negative/painful consequences of failing to commit to areas that you are not happy with in your life.

* Write down the positive/pleasurable outcomes that you will experience or derive from committing in those areas.

* Know the reasons why you need to commit. Understand and get clear on the importance of doing so.

* If you are competitive set yourself a challenge.

* Verbalise to others what you are going to do. When you do this you are making yourself accountable. You will be less likely to look for the exit strategy for not doing what you know you need to be doing. This is because we tend to keep promises that we make to others more so than the ones that we make to ourselves.

So, what actions are you going to take to display greater commitment to those areas in your life that need it? Make a commitment to yourself and others right now that you will take these actions. This commitment will bring pleasure, satisfaction and fulfillment into your life. Go for it!

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

How to Grow Your Business Without Spending a Single Cent

2010-10-04T21:58:00.016+11:00

Book Author – Justin Herald

Justin Herald grew a multimillion dollar business from just $50 – all without spending a cent on advertising, marketing or promotion.

In this book Justin reveals the secrets of how he achieved this.

The book is full of real life examples and innovative ideas that will assist you to grow your business, without costing you a lot of money.

Justin’s reason for writing this book is to remind business owners that there are simple and straightforward aspects to business growth.

The real life examples in the book highlight the success that can follow by adopting these straightforward and simple methods.

The topics that Justin discusses in the book are:

Finding your point of difference;
Attracting media attention for free;
Using your customers to grow your business;
Understanding what the customer wants costs nothing;
The three most important ingredients of any business: (1) service (2) service (3) SERVICE;
Keep an eye on your expenses each week;
Forming strategic alliances costs nothing;
Building your business is all about building relationships;
Call in favours; ask for advice; and
Aim for success outside your business.

As you can read from the topics, this book is really about going back to the basics of good business practices and a recurring theme in the book is that it is the simple things that become the most effective tools for business success.

I would highly recommend this book as an extremely worthwhile read for any business owner who desires to boost the performance of their business.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Don't Let Your Fears Rule You

2010-10-04T21:52:00.007+11:00

Fear is defined as a powerful biological feeling of unpleasant risk or danger, either real or imagined.

It is believed that we are all born with an innate sense of fear and this is important as it helps us to remain safe and protects us from potential danger to our wellbeing.

However, the fears that are learned can be a barrier to self-growth and self-betterment.

Our experiences in our environment can unintentionally imprint fear and limitation in our minds.

Phrases such as “Don’t do that or I’ll smack you!” or “Be careful, you will hurt yourself.” are heard from a young age and plant fear and thoughts of limitation in our minds and these fears tend to grow as we grow older and affect many areas of our lives.

It is essential that we understand how damaging these types of statements can be and we should avoid using them in our communication, especially to young children.

To succeed in life and get what you truly want you will need to overcome the fears that are limiting you.

We all experience certain fears; fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of criticism, fear of growing old, fear of change etc. The key is to overcome them and you can! Remember that fear does not exist anywhere but in our own mind.

It is never too late to address your fears.

The best cure for expelling your fears is to take action. Do the things that you fear! Don’t avoid them. Tackle them head on.

Be strong and optimistic.

Enjoy and accept the challenge as an opportunity to learn and improve yourself.

Don’t let your fears rule your life. If you don’t face them you will continue to suffer the damaging consequences and limit your full potential.

A coach can assist you to identify the fears that are limiting you and hindering you from achieving the results that you want in your life.

They can discuss with you the necessary actions that can help you to rid the fear which is creating obstacles in your life.

Many of my clients who have taken action to overcome their fears have found it to be an empowering experience.

If you can’t face your fears alone think about the benefits of seeking help from a coach.

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

Be Your Best Friend

2010-09-28T10:05:00.013+10:00

The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself.

The quality of the relationship that you have with yourself will determine the quality of relationship that you have with other areas of your life i.e. health, finances, relationships, career, emotions and spirituality.

It is vital therefore that you be a ‘best friend’ to yourself. Being a ‘best friend’ to yourself allows you to receive goodness in your life.

When we have a poor relationship with ourselves and we don’t feel good about the person we are, we choose behaviours that self-sabotage and ‘shut the gates’ to happiness and success entering our life.

So, what are some ways that you can proactively nourish the relationship that you have with yourself. The following are some suggestions.

1. Love Who You Are

Be happy with and love the person that you are. Remind yourself and focus daily on your positive qualities, strengths, achievements and positive comments that others have made about you. Love yourself for being this person.

2. Value Yourself

Acknowledge the value that you offer at your work, at home to your family, in the community, to your friends etc.

3. Treat Yourself Well

Give yourself permission and spend time doing things for yourself that provide you with health, happiness and a feeling of wellbeing. You need to support yourself first. By supporting yourself first everyone else, including you, benefits.

4. Listen to Your Body, Mind & Spirit

Be an active listener to what your body, mind and spirit are guiding you to do. Pay attention and act on this guidance.

5. Talk to Yourself Kindly

Talk to yourself in a loving and caring way. Use language that supports and encourages you.

6. Respect Yourself

Respect and be proud of the person that you are.

7. Give Yourself a Hug

Every day give yourself a hug and simultaneously say to yourself “I love you!”

Commit to these suggestions and it will enhance the relationship that you have with yourself. Devote time to nourishing the relationship with yourself. It will have positive ripple effects on all areas of your life.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Encouragement

2010-07-29T08:38:00.010+10:00

Encouragement is something important that we all need to help us achieve our goals in life.

Encouragement gives us the impetus to keep moving towards our goals.

There are times in our life where we doubt our ability to achieve certain things. I know that when I decided to transition from a career in the military to setting up a coaching business those doubts existed. What helped me though was the encouragement that I received from my coach and from my wife. They believed that I could be successful and encouraged me to take the necessary steps.

I suggest that you look to surround yourself with people who are encouragers. Encouragers are people who instill the belief in you that you can achieve whatever you want. They are optimistic people. Having people like this in your environment will be tremendously helpful for you. Consider these people to be your cheerleading team. They want you to succeed and to be happy in life.

The way to attract encouragers into your life is to be one yourself. Make a commitment today that you will be a person that encourages others. Make this one of your personal traits. Look for opportunities to encourage other people. Express to people words of encouragement when they need it. Acknowledge people for what they have achieved. Applaud their efforts. They will appreciate it. Think of the times when you have been encouraged. I’m sure it was helpful for you. Remember, whatever you give to others you receive in return.

You can also decide to encourage yourself. If you do not have people in your environment to encourage you it is up to you to be your own cheerleader. You can do this with positive self-talk. Say to yourself things like “I can do this”, “Whatever I set my mind to I will achieve” or “I will succeed”. Your self-talk is a powerful ally in helping you move forward in life. Don’t make it your enemy by allowing it to discourage you. Always talk to yourself in a loving, supportive and encouraging manner. Make that a habit!

I believe the world would be a much better place if we all chose to encourage ourselves and others. Encouragement assists us to become the best that we can be. Make a choice today that you will be one of these people.

If you need encouragement in your life right now to help you achieve what you want, coaching can assist you with this.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Let Go!

2010-07-27T21:06:00.010+10:00

Let go so that you can be free.

When you let go it allows you the freedom to live the life that you want.

You need to let go of things that are keeping you stuck and not allowing you to move forward towards what you desire in your life.

So, what are some of the things that you may need to let go of in order for you to be free to live the life that you want.

The Past: Don’t allow past experiences to rule the rest of your life. Learn from them and apply the learning to create a better life for you. Living in the past will take energy and focus away from the action you need to take in the present to achieve the results that you want in your future.

Fear: Fear stops us from taking action that can improve our life. Rather than focus on the fear of taking action focus on the benefits that taking action will bring into your life. Be driven by the benefits.

The Need to Please Everyone: Don’t live your life for everyone else. It is important that you respect and satisfy your needs and wants. Focus on doing what is important to you. Live the life that you want rather than living it to please and gain the acceptance and approval of others.

Unforgiving Thoughts: Holding on to unforgiving thoughts will poison your life. The more you hold on to them the more toxic they will become. You will become a victim of these unforgiving thoughts if you do not release them.

Anxiety: Stop worrying and stressing about your life and start living it. Rather than dwell on the challenges in your life, focus on actions that you can take to resolve them. If you are holding on to anxiety there are many avenues to help you release it e.g. deep breathing techniques, massage, exercise, meditation, yoga etc.

Your Ego: Follow your heart rather than your head. Do what is authentic for you.

The Need to be Perfect: Get out there and have a go at things without worrying whether you can do something perfectly or not. Perfectionism will slow you down. While you are waiting for everything to be perfect, life is passing you by and you are missing out on valuable opportunities.

The Need to be Right: This can affect the quality of your relationships with others. The quality of your relationships with others is extremely important to your success and happiness in life. When you need to be right all the time you are making others feel wrong. Making others feel wrong is not going to enhance your relationships. Respect other people’s right to have different opinions, beliefs and perspectives to you, even if you do not happen to agree with them.

Limiting Beliefs: Beliefs are a conviction in your mind that something is true even if in reality it may not be. You need to rid yourself of beliefs that are not useful to you.

Letting go is a decision. You have a choice to hold on to things or to let them go. Make a decision today that you will let go of anything that is holding you back from living a successful and happy life.

If you would like some assistance with identifying what you need to let go of or how to do that, think seriously about getting some coaching to provide you with the awareness and strategies that will allow you to move beyond what is keeping you from achieving what you want in life.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

What Appointments Are You Making In Your Life?

2010-05-28T15:55:00.012+10:00

What appointments are you making in your life?

Is your diary full of appointments related to work? For most people I would say that this is the case.

Have you thought of making appointments for other areas of your life?

I believe that it is important for us to make appointments for all areas of our life. This allows us to achieve a balanced approach to life.

Don’t just fill up your diary with appointments related to work. What I am suggesting is that you be deliberate in making appointments for all areas of your life. Make a specific date and time that you are going to do things. By doing so you will ensure that you are not neglecting important areas of your life. Don’t allow the important areas to be low on the priorities list and something that you will only do if you have the time. You will most likely never have the time to do many of these things if you don’t commit a date and time to doing them. You need to make time for these areas and you can do this by planning them into your daily/weekly schedule. Make appointments in your diary for these areas just as you would do for work.

Below are some suggestions of appointments that you should consider making:

* Make an appointment for your health. Exercise regularly, join a sporting team, have a regular check up, get a massage, attend a yoga class etc.

* Make an appointment with your partner. Allocate some quality time to spend together with your partner. Go out for a dinner, see a movie, have a romantic date at home etc.

* Make an appointment for your children. Set aside time to spend time with your children. Do some outings, go to the park, play board games, help them with their homework, attend their school events etc.

* Make an appointment with your family and friends. Visit your family and friends or invite them over to your place, have a meal with them, go out for a picnic or have a BBQ, arrange some social and recreational activities together etc.

* Make an appointment for yourself. Spend time doing things that you enjoy and make you feel good. Have a warm bath, spend time on your hobbies, read a book, listen to some music, go to the beach, have a sleep in, read a magazine or paper, go for a walk, dance etc.

* Make an appointment for your spirituality. Meditate, read the Bible, attend church, spend time surrounded by nature, pray etc.

* Make an appointment for your admin. Find your paperwork a home, pay your bills, maintain your records for tax etc.

* Make an appointment for self-development. Attend seminars, read personal development material, listen to educational CDs, get some coaching etc.

* Make an appointment for planning. Write down your goals and the actions you need to take to achieve these goals, use a Weekly Planner or To Do List, establish what your priorities are etc.

* Make an appointment for fun and laughter. Watch some funny DVDs, attend a comedy club, arrange a theme party, go to an amusement park, attend trivia nights etc.

* Make an appointment for managing your mental state. Spend time daily focusing on getting your thinking right. Read/say/visualise what you want in your life, write down what you are grateful for, read some motivational and inspirational writing, ask yourself questions that will help you focus on solutions to achieve positive outcomes etc.

Knowing and wanting to spend time on important areas of your life is not enough. Make an appointment for them to happen. Stop justifying, laying blame and making excuses for why you can’t do them. You can! It is a choice.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

It's Okay to Ask for Help

2010-03-07T22:06:00.018+11:00

For many of us asking for help is a difficult thing to do. We would rather stay stuck in our challenges or settle for outcomes that we are not happy with than go to someone who could offer us some assistance.

So why is asking for help difficult for people? The following are some reasons that I believe contribute to people’s inability to ask for help:

* Perception that asking for help is a sign of weakness;
* Fear of looking foolish or being embarrassed in front of others;
* Pride;
* Reflects an inability to manage areas of our life; and
* Having to pay someone for their assistance.

Our thoughts and beliefs around asking for help have been influenced by the messages that we have been exposed to from our environments (e.g. home, social, work, school etc.). For example, you may have been exposed to environments that suggested that you should solve your own problems or that you cannot trust others to help you. If you had been exposed to these types of messages you most likely will be reluctant to ask for help.

There are many others, including myself however that hold the view that asking for help from the right sources is a smart thing to do when we are experiencing difficulties or when we would like to enhance or improve outcomes in different areas of our life. If you do research on successful people you will discover that one key ingredient for their success was their ability to seek guidance from others to assist them in achieving their desired outcomes. Henry Ford, founder of the Ford Motor Company, understood the benefits of leveraging off others. He was quoted as saying, after a barrage of questions by a lawyer, “If I should really want to answer the foolish question you have just asked, or any of the other questions you have been asking me, let me remind you that I have a row of electric push-buttons on my desk, and by pushing the right button, I can summon to my aid people who can answer any question I desire to ask concerning the business to which I am devoting most of my efforts. Now, will you kindly tell me why I should clutter up my mind with general knowledge, for the purpose of being able to answer questions, when I have people around me who can supply any knowledge I require?” It is difficult to achieve great successes in life by being a ‘lone ranger’.

Asking for help provides us with many benefits. Below are some of the benefits that can be achieved by doing so:

* Provides us with different perspectives on how to approach and think about things;
* Provides us with knowledge, skills and resources that we may not have ourselves;
* Provides us with new strategies to assist us to move forward in a positive direction;
* Provides us with objectivity;
* Provides us with awareness and learning that we may not be able to discover on our own; and
* Provides us with support and encouragement;

Give yourself permission to ask for help. It is okay. You don’t have to have all of the answers. Affirm to yourself daily that asking for help when necessary, from the right sources, is a smart thing to do.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

The Four Seasons of Life

2010-01-03T07:44:00.025+11:00

It is important to understand that there are seasons in our life and that each of these seasons are helpful to us.

Winter

Winter is the season where we experience challenges and difficulties in our life. It can feel like a cold and lonely time. Our life may appear bleak. We may be dealing with storms in our life which creates fear and anxiety for us. However, we need periods of winter in our lives. These winter times provide us with important learning and understanding. It is through the challenges and difficulties in life that we learn our most valuable lessons. Winter also helps us to appreciate and be grateful for what we have. Without periods of winter in our lives we can take for granted all of the goodness that we experience.

Autumn

Autumn is the season of our life where change occurs and we need to let go of the old. During this period of our life we recognise and feel the need for change in our lives. In order for us to change we need to let go of things like the leaves falling from a tree. We may for example need to let go of:

* the past;
* negative thoughts;
* negative emotions;
* limiting beliefs; and
* lack of forgiveness.

Failure to let go causes us to remain stuck in our lives and hinders positive change.

Spring

Spring is the season in our life of new growth. It is the period of our lives where we clear out the old to make way for the new. It is a time where we create new beginnings for ourselves and our lives.

Summer

Summer is the season of our life to enjoy ourselves. It is a time of play. During this period we feel bright and happy. We are loving life and reaping the rewards for the positive changes that we have made.

Remember, as the seasons are important for the cycle of nature, likewise they are important in our own life cycle.

We will experience all of these seasons during certain stages of our life.

So if you are going through a period of winter at the moment don’t worry or stress. Autumn, spring and summer are just around the corner.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Be Courageous!

2009-10-01T11:53:00.011+10:00

The ability to be courageous is a very important attribute to have in life.

To be victorious and successful in life we need courage.

It allows us to go beyond our fears and take necessary action.

Courage is the act of doing what is necessary despite the presence of negative mental obstacles i.e. fear, doubt, worry etc.

Without courage we remain stuck in our lives. We can’t see a way past the ‘brick walls’.

Progress in life is built on the back of courage.

By being courageous we:

* break through our comfort zones and experience personal growth;
* persist when confronted with challenges;
* ask for help;
* remain true to ourselves and others; and
* achieve our goals and dreams.

We are often confronted with circumstances that require us to do things that we prefer not to do because they may be difficult, scary, uncomfortable, awkward etc. We have all been in those situations. The critical choice that we have to make during these situations is whether we decide to be courageous or allow fear to rule us. I suggest that you make the decision to be courageous. It may not be the easy choice; however it will bring greater rewards into your life.

Courage requires fortitude. Knowing this, how can we strengthen our fortitude so that we can make courageous choices and take action upon them?

Firstly, you need to commit to being true to yourself at all times. Follow your path and don’t be unduly influenced by external influences. Act on what feels congruent for you.

Secondly, you need to know what is important to you and what you are not willing to compromise under any circumstances. For example, if integrity is important to you then you will act courageously to uphold it. Be true to your values and live your life according to them.

Thirdly, know and understand your WHY. When your WHY is strong enough and clear you will make courageous choices. For example, when I resigned from the military after 19 years of service I wrote down all the reasons why I wanted to develop a coaching business. Most of these reasons revolved around my family and my passion to help others. I read this every day and will continue to do so. It has helped me tremendously in being courageous with my choices and actions during challenging times developing my business.

I suggest that you allow courage to be your ally in life. It will help you to conquer and defeat the enemy of fear, doubt, worry etc.

Be courageous and act on what you truly want in life and what is true for you. Your courage will lead to you greater riches and happiness.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

What Direction Do Your Responses Take You?

2009-08-26T18:10:00.007+10:00

How you respond to undesirable events and situations in your life will greatly influence the direction that it takes.

The Oxford Dictionary defines response as a ‘feeling, movement or change caused by a stimulus or influence’.

So, how is your life feeling, moving or being changed by stimulus or influences? What direction are your responses taking you?

Your responses to events in your life are critical in shaping your future.

Many times in life we encounter situations that we have little or no control over. However, one thing that we do have total control over is our response to these situations.

It is important to realise that you do have a choice as to how you respond. How you choose to respond is totally up to you. You can choose to respond in a way that serves you or hurts you.

The fact that you can choose your response allows you to take charge and stay in control. Isn’t that great to know? No longer do you have to feel that you have no control. You do!!

When you encounter unwanted events in your life respond to them in a way that allows you to move forward in a positive direction. Don’t allow them to effect you negatively. Easier said than done I hear a lot of you saying. I agree that it may at first not be so easy to do, as we are creatures of habits and our responses tend to be habitual. We have learned how to respond to situations by examples that have been shown to us. For many of us the examples that we have been exposed to have not been helpful. We may have been shown for example that anger, frustration, panic, worry, fear, anxiety, stressing or searching for sympathy are the ways to respond. These types of responses can and do make situations worse in our life.

I am suggesting that from now on you consciously start forming a habit where you respond in a controlled and positive way to events in your life. Be calm when things happen to you. Take some deep breathes. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Know that you can handle the situation. Be strong. Tell yourself that you are in control. Look for positive learning. Put things into perspective. Focus on solutions. Ask for help if you need it.

None of us are immune from having situations or events in our life that are undesirable. That is a fact. We are all subject to them at some stage in our life. The important question you need to answer is how are you going to respond when they happen? Remember you have a choice. Make the right choice that gives you the best quality of life and happiness possible.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Time Out!

2009-07-25T22:24:00.012+10:00

“I’m calling a time out on you and it’s for your own good.”

We need to have regular time outs in our life. I suggest that you make it a priority!

Time out allows us to rest, relax, heal, gain perspective, clear our thoughts, discover answers to our problems, release stress etc. Now you can see why it is so important.

So why do many people neglect to do it?

I think that society has conditioned us to think that ‘busy’ is good. People have become proud of being busy and view it as a measure of success. It is as if the busier we are the more successful we apparently are.

This type of conditioning has fooled us in to believing that being productive is all about doing things. Well I believe that taking time out is extremely productive. As Billy Joel said “There are times when we need to let the field lie fallow.” Taking some time out for ourselves allows us to rejuvenate and harvest better results for our future. We become more productive and effective thanks to the rest and relaxation.

Don’t fall into the trap of feeling that you need to do something all of the time. You will end up having nothing left to give to yourself and others.

It is okay to rest. Don’t feel guilty when you do. Know that it is important for you.

Don’t leave it last on your list of things to do. Make it first on your list.

How often do we make time for everything else in our lives and leave ourselves last. We never make any time for ourselves. We are busy helping everyone else and have no time to help ourselves. If that is the case in your life you need to change that right now! Make a promise to yourself that you will take some time out for yourself. It is ironic how we tell other people to slow down and look after themselves and yet we are personally not following that advice.

You need to schedule some time daily for yourself. Call it ‘ME TIME’. Make sure you do this. Even if it is only for 15 -20 minutes, it is better than nothing at all.

Go for a walk, take a warm bath, listen to some soothing music, read a book, enjoy a massage, close your eyes and breathe deeply, stare at a flame etc. You will immediately feel the physical and mental benefits.

REMEMBER TO CALL A ‘TIME OUT’ ON YOURSELF EVERY DAY!

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Setting Boundaries

2009-06-09T13:14:00.015+10:00

Are you finding it difficult to achieve balance in your life?

Are you juggling too many things at once?

Do you feel overwhelmed by all the things expected of you?

Are you frustrated by not having the time to do what is important and enjoyable to you?

If you answered yes to these questions you more than likely have failed to set boundaries in your life.

Setting boundaries in your life is extremely important for your happiness & wellbeing. Setting boundaries ensures that you spend time on those things that are meaningful, beneficial, enjoyable and important to you and ultimately lead you to living a fulfilling and happy life.

It is your responsibility to set the boundaries.

If you fail to set boundaries you will find your life being shaped and dictated by others.

Setting boundaries is about respecting and valuing your time. Remember time is precious. You need to make wise choices on how you wish to spend it. If you don’t set boundaries and respect and value your time, others will not. It is not their fault. You can’t blame or resent demands that have been placed on you by others. If others have invaded your time you have allowed that to happen. That may sound harsh but in reality it is your fault for letting it happen. I found in my personal experience that when I started respecting and value my time, others did.

The first step in setting boundaries is for you to know what you value and what your priorities are. You need to invest some time to sit down and decide what is important to you! I recommend that you write it down on a piece of paper.

Once you have decided on what is important to you (e.g. time with family & friends, rest and relaxation, exercise, hobbies, self-improvement, recreation, fun activities, playing a sport etc.), allocate a time slot for them. Remember that they are important to you. If you neglect to spend time in important areas of your life you will eventually suffer the consequences.

Do your very best to adhere to your boundaries. Stick to them. Be committed to them. You will reap the benefits of doing so. Let others know what your boundaries are. People are not mind readers. Unless you clearly indicate your boundaries to others they will not know what they are.

In my experiences people will understand that you need time to devote to important areas of your life, especially if you explain the importance. Don’t feel that you have to please everyone and meet everyone’s demands. Remember, you need also to please yourself and meet your needs. It is not selfish for you to do so. It is part of nourishing yourself so that you can be better for yourself and others.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

The Importance of Now!

2009-04-27T09:57:00.011+10:00

“Yesterday’s the past and tomorrow’s the future. Today is a gift – which is why they call it the present” – Bil Keane

As the above quote suggests the present or the now is a gift. We need to treat now as something extremely special. We need to live it as best we can and make choices in the present that contribute to us achieving a greater level of happiness & fulfillment.

It is important that we do not fall into the trap of focusing so much on the past or the future that we neglect the now.

Admittedly, we do need to spend some time focusing on the past and future.

The past provides us with important learnings. It helps us to decide what experiences we want to avoid or repeat and the necessary changes that we need to make in our thoughts, behaviours and decisions.

The future provides us with possibilities and inspires us to take action. It is a vision of what we want to be, where we want to go, and what we want to achieve.

However, our lives can become challenging & frustrating when we get too stuck in the past or the future and don’t act in the now to achieve what we desire.

As we go through our day we can find ourselves focusing only on past experiences and future possibilities.

Our past experiences if we allow them can project negative thoughts and emotions into our present and our future. It is important to let go of the past so that we can create new beginnings and not to allow past experiences to deny us of happiness in the present or future. Remember our past does not need to be our present or future. We can make choices now to change and transform ourselves and our lives.

On the other hand, living in the future can stop us from taking necessary action now towards making our desired future a reality.

If we are feeling stuck in the past or the future the simple remedy is to take action.

Reflecting about what has happened in our past or dreaming about our future is not going to get us closer to our goals or desires. What will is action now!

We don’t need to have all the answers before taking some action. It is important to get some action happening. Don’t stay stuck. The more action we take in the now the better off we will be. We will gain valuable new learnings, growth, opportunities and momentum that would not have existed if we remained stagnant.

Remember, whatever action is taken, it is important that we commit to doing our best. Doing our best in the now will assist us to achieving our desired future.

Now is the time to create what we want. Now is the time to make the choices that will bring us closer to our desired future. Now is the time to make the necessary changes in our life. Understand that there is tremendous power in the now.

As a Life Management & Success Coach my primary role is to assist my clients to focus on what action they can take now to help them get closer to the future that they desire for themselves.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

What Are You Focusing On?

2009-03-30T16:23:00.007+11:00

In order to live a fulfilling and happy life you need to be sure that you are focusing on the right things.

As a Life Management & Success Coach I find that the cause of unhappiness and many of the challenges that people experience is influenced largely by where their focus lies.

If you are not achieving what you want to experience in your life the following are areas that may require you to shift your focus.

The Present – Focus on what you need to do in the present and what you want in the future rather than dwell on the past. If you are focusing on the past you are taking power away from the present and your future. Don’t stay stuck in the past. The main purpose of our past is to provide us with the learning that is necessary for our progress in life. Focusing on past hurts, mistakes, failures etc. can paralyse us and stop us from experiencing what we truly want in our lives. Let go of the past. Place all of your energy and focus on taking action now to create the future that you desire.

Thoughts – Focus your thoughts on what you want rather than what you don’t want. Focusing on such thoughts as fear and scarcity will manifest more experiences of fear and scarcity in your life. You cannot achieve happiness and success in your life by focusing on thoughts that limit you.

Gratitude – Focus on what you are thankful for in your life. Even when life is challenging there is always something that you can be grateful for. Too many people focus on what they don’t have in their life and that causes them to experience negative thoughts and emotions e.g. frustration, jealousy, discontentment etc. Look at life through eyes of gratitude rather than discontentment. If you search for it you will find the goodness that exists in your life.

Strengths – Everyone one of us has something beneficial to offer this world. Acknowledge your abilities. If you are constantly focusing on your weaknesses you are diminishing your self-image and confidence and enhancing self-doubt about what you can achieve. Focus on your gifts and strengths and work on areas that you need to improve.

Priorities – Focus on what is important to you. Don’t waste too much of your time and energy on matters that do not help you achieve your goals in life. Life is short and you need to make the most of the time that you have. Make sure you invest your time wisely. Get a clear understanding of what is important to you and devote your focus to that.

Solutions – Focus on the solutions to create what you want in your life. Ask yourself questions that will lead you to finding the answers. Stop focusing on the problems and challenges. It is better to seek the solutions and then act upon them.

Shifting your focus in life is like switching a light switch from off to on. You can switch off a negative focus in life to a positive focus. It is just a decision to do so. You are in control of what you focus on. You have the choice.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Book Review - The Four Laws of Debt Free Prosperity

2009-02-21T14:53:00.022+11:00

Author - Blaine Harris & Charles Coonradt

This book is based on a true story of someone who is having extreme difficulties with managing their finances and who through fate and a strange set of events comes into contact with a retired tax auditor who teaches him the four laws to regain control of his finances and achieve a debt-free prosperity.

The book highlights that it is our financial habits that dictate our ability to manage our money effectively.

We need to follow certain laws or principles to manage our money effectively.

The four laws are as follows:

1. Track expenses;

2. Target realistic financial goals;

3. Trim expenses; and

4. Train yourself in the power of compounding growth.

The book demonstrates practical ways and provides a system to improve your financial situation.

If you want to take control of your finances I would highly recommend the reading of this book.

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

Learn to Accept & Embrace Life's Challenges

2009-01-06T16:26:00.010+11:00

Life is filled with challenges for all of us. We need to accept that life will deal to us some challenges along the way. No-one is immune from them. They come in all different forms; financial, health, relationship, career, business, emotional, spiritual etc.

Why should we embrace these challenges rather than fear them or view them in such a negative way? The answer to this question is critical for you to understand.

We need challenges in our lives. They are sent to us for a beneficial purpose or reason.

Challenges help to shape us to be the best that we can be and to force us to look at aspects of our life in a new way. They help us to grow on a personal level. They teach us lessons that enable us to progress forward in life and cause us to take necessary action to move us to where we need to be. Challenges importantly help us to learn a great deal about ourselves.

The key thing to understand here is that tremendous learning, personal growth and opportunity can accompany challenges if you are open to looking at your challenges in a frame of mind that seeks learning and awareness. There are positives that can be gained from all of our challenges in life if we are willing to discover them.

The difficulty occurs when we allow challenges to keep us stuck in life. They can cripple us from moving forward to our true desires and achieving our full potential. This generally happens when we fail to take the lesson that is being delivered to us by the challenge. We can find ourselves dealing with similar challenges over and over again. It could be that you are always having financial challenges or health challenges. If the challenges keep reoccurring in your life then you need to take some time out to evaluate what you can do differently to avoid these challenges from happening again.

Ask yourself questions that provide you with an understanding as to why these challenges keep occurring in your life and how you can approach matters in a different way that will eliminate future difficulties in that area.

Take personal responsibility for resolving your challenges. Don’t look for excuses or blame others. Remember that the challenges are providing you with a lesson that you need to learn from. Once the lesson is learnt it will provide you with an opportunity for advancement.

I suggest that from now on you look for the ‘gift’ that is present in each of the challenges that you may face in life.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Tips to Strengthen Your Selfs (Image, Confidence, Worth, Esteem)

2008-12-22T13:49:00.014+11:00

1. Focus on your strengths, positive qualities & achievements. Write them down and read them daily.

2. Be kinder to the way you talk to yourself. Keep your self-talk positive. Silence that inner-critical voice.

3. Lighten up! Don't take everything so seriously. It is okay to make mistakes. Have a laugh at yourself from time to time.

4. Make yourself look and feel better by doing some exercise regularly.

5. If necessary do something about your appearance that makes you feel better about yourself e.g. buy some new clothes, change your look etc.

6. Read self-help books in areas that you wish to improve.

7. Learn to forgive yourself.

8. Don't compare yourself to others.

9. Use positive affirmations.

10. Surround yourself with people and environments that are positive and supportive.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Book Review - Wake Up & Dream

2008-12-15T09:39:00.011+11:00

Author – Pat Mesiti

If you are looking for inspiration and instruction on how to follow your dreams you will find it in this book.

The author Pat Mesiti is evidence through his journey that despite the challenges that may face you in your life you can overcome them and live your dreams.

This book contains the recipe on how to make your dreams a reality.

In the book Pat discusses:

* how all of us were created for greatness;
* how apathy is one of the greatest killers of success;
* the importance of having a vision of what you want in the future;
* the power of imagination;
* how to combat negative thinking;
* looking and listening for opportunities;
* planning to succeed;
* linking with other dreamers;
* protecting your character; and
* how to nourish your mind and believe that your dreams can come true.

I highly recommend the reading of this book to make you understand that your dreams are attainable if you follow and are committed to the principles outlined in this book.

Pat decided to write this book because he saw people missing out on their full potential.

Do you want to reach your full potential?

I hope you decide to read this book and be inspired to reach out and achieve your dreams.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

The Joy of Giving to Others

2008-12-05T09:27:00.017+11:00

We know how great it feels to receive a gift from someone. I believe however that the greatest satisfaction comes from the giving and knowing that you have made someone feel happier or made a positive contribution in some way to their life.

Think of the times when you have given to others. It may have been when you helped someone resolve a problem. You may have volunteered and given up some of your time to help out at your children’s school. You may have helped someone with directions to where they needed to go. The question I ask to you is how did you feel? I’d imagine you felt very pleased with yourself and happy inside.

There is something very nourishing to our soul when we give and help others. It provides us with an intrinsic reward that far outweighs what we give.

It also helps to take our mind of our own worries and challenges. When you are focused on how you can give to others you are less likely to consume your whole focus on your own concerns and challenges. It provides us with an opportunity to escape from our own world and see the bigger picture. There is great perspective that can be gained from stepping out of our own world and venturing into the world of other people. Your worries and challenges may not seem that significant when you compare them to other people’s situations.

There are many ways that you can give to others. You can:

* Give a smile to brighten up another person’s day;
* Give up some of your time to help others out;
* Give a helping hand;
* Give a donation;
* Give your attention to listen to someone;
* Give someone a hug;
* Give a gift;
* Give of yourself by sharing with others; and
* Give love and caring;

As you can see most of the ways that we can give to others does not necessarily have to involve money. They are many ways that we can give to others for free; yet what you give can be priceless to the person/s that you are giving to.

Look at those people who spend most of their time helping and giving to other people. What have you noticed about them? Most of the ones that I have observed are very content people. There may be a clue in that as to how we can achieve greater happiness in our lives.

I encourage you to look for opportunities where you can give and help others. It will bring a greater level of joy and happiness into your life. Try it!

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

The 3 V's of Goal Setting

2008-11-11T18:20:00.007+11:00

1. Verbalise - Tell yourself in positive terms what you are going to do. After that, also tell someone you can trust what you plan to do.

2. Visualise - Actually see yourself doing or accomplishing the goal you set.

3. Vitalise - Take action and do what you said you want to do.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Tips to Manage Stress

2008-11-11T18:10:00.007+11:00

1. Exercise regularly.

2. Think positive thoughts. Negative thinking compounds your stress.

3. Spend time with nature e.g. go to the beach, go for a bushwalk, stand on top of a mountain etc.

4. Do things that will make you happy. Have a laugh and some fun. Don't take life too seriously.

5. Spoil yourself. Get a massage.

6. Take 3 deep breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth) to relax and calm yourself.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Tips to Sleep Better

2008-11-11T18:06:00.009+11:00

1. Eat a light meal in the evening.

2. Have a warm/relaxing bath before bed.

3. Exercise daily.

4. Make sure your bedroom room is dark, low in noise, comfortable in temperature and well ventilated.

5. Quiet your mind before bedtime with relaxation techniques.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Ingredients for Success

2008-11-11T17:39:00.008+11:00

1. Know what is important to you and what you truly want in your life.

2. Take action to achieve what you want.

3. Understand that there is no failure, only learning and new opportunities.

4. Be flexible and adaptable.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Keys to Achieving What You Want

2008-11-11T17:32:00.011+11:00

1. Have a clear vision of what you want and write it down. Read it daily & visualise it.

2. Expect and believe that it is going to happen.

3. Formulate a plan and take action.

4. Work through any obstacles. Be persistent and have faith.

5. Celebrate achievements & successes.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

What Experiences Do You Want In Your Life's Shopping Trolley?

2008-11-02T16:50:00.012+11:00

Isn’t it interesting how we spend the time and understand the sense in making a list of what we need and want for our shopping adventures and yet very few people will invest the time to write down a list of what they need and want for their own life adventure.

Why do people make shopping lists?

1. So they will not forget things. They are a reminder.

2. So they can keep to a budget. It helps them to stay on track with their plans.

3. It helps them to stay focused on what they want.

4. It helps them to make the right choices.

5. It stops them from making rash, spontaneous & poor decisions.

6. It avoids time being wasted.

7. It helps to alleviate confusion.

Wouldn’t it be also true to say that writing down a list of what you want and need in your life would provide similar benefits for you?

How often have you gone to the shops not knowing what you really wanted and them came back with a pile of things that you really did not need? Has someone persuaded you to buy something because you were not clear on what you needed or wanted? Have you been lured to buy things on sale because they were on sale, even though you may not have really needed them? Have you spent hours at the shops looking for something with no idea of what you were looking for?

Our shopping experiences are a good analogy for why it is important to invest the time to write down a list or a plan of what we intend for our lives. If you do not write down your intentions for your life you will find that similar experiences will occur in your life. You will end up investing your time doing things that are not truly important to you. Other people will persuade you as to what you want and need. You will be lured by things that may look and sound good but on reflection were not for you. You will waste precious time wandering around aimlessly.

Not knowing what you want from your life is a major contributor towards experiencing feelings of unhappiness, frustration, anger, resentment, anxiety, depression, confusion etc.

As a Life Management & Success Coach I encourage my clients to invest time to write down a compelling list of what they truly need and would like to experience in their life and why. This is the important first step towards achieving anything that you want in life. Don’t worry about the HOW for now. Just spend time working on WHAT YOU WANT and WHY YOU WANT IT. So many people get stuck in life because they focus on the HOW first. The HOW will work itself out if you understand the WHAT & WHY.

Remember, you have a choice as to what you want to fill your life’s shopping trolley with. Don’t come to the realisation after you have paid at the checkout that you have a trolley full of things that you didn’t want.

Please contact me if you require some assistance in this process and would like to know how to effectively prepare and write your life plan/list.

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

Is Your Life Suffering from Clutter?

2008-11-02T11:28:00.020+11:00

Is your life being affected by clutter?

Without you realising it your life may be suffering as the result of clutter.

Clutter can have a debilitating and detrimental effect on us.

Clutter can occur in 2 forms:

1. Physical

2. Mental

Physical clutter is the more apparent of the 2 as we can see it. Be aware though that clutter occurs also in our mental space.

Let us address both of these types of clutter.

Physical clutter occurs when we let go of managing items in our physical space and as a result our physical space becomes crowded, disorganised, unruly and untidy. Typical and common areas that tend to suffer from clutter are garages, offices and bedrooms.

On the other hand, mental clutter occurs when we have too many things on our mind to focus on. The mental clutter generally occurs because we are thinking about things that we have not yet taken action on.

It is important to understand that clutter in your physical space can lead to clutter in your mental space and visa versa. For example, regularly seeing your garage in an untidy state may clutter your mind with thoughts on “I need to clean up my garage. Look at the state it is in. I can’t stand how it looks and I can never find anything.”

Mental clutter affects your physical energy. The mere thoughts of all the things that you should and need to do can take energy away from you and can lead to inactivity and feelings of lethargy.

Physical clutter also has its negative impacts such as not being able to find things when we need them, wasting time and it causes us to become less efficient and productive. These consequences can make us feel angry, frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, anxious etc.

Both physical and mental clutter can contribute to greater levels of stress in our lives. The clutter in our physical and mental space can also distract us from devoting and focusing time on the important things in life that make us happy.

As a Life Management & Success Coach my suggestion to people is that they take consistent action to de-clutter their physical and mental environment.

It is very difficult and inhibiting for you to achieve your goals if your life is not in order. Physical and mental clutter acts like a barrier to you moving forward and realising what you want in your life.

You will find that once you start removing the clutter from your life you will have more time and energy to focus on taking action to achieve your goals.

As you tackle areas of clutter in your life and rid yourself of them you will feel a sense of satisfaction and freedom. No longer will the clutter hold you back like a ball and chain around your ankle.

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

Understanding Yourself & Others

2008-11-02T11:23:00.007+11:00

Too many times we judge and blame ourselves or others rather than seek to understand why we or they think or behave in certain ways.

Judging and blaming keeps us stuck and does not allow us to progress in a positive direction. It just keeps us going around in vicious circles.

So many times in our life a lack of understanding creates anger, frustration, heartache, stress, anxiety and negative experiences.

If you take the time to understand yourself and others it will improve the quality of your life.

This understanding allows us to become more aware of why we and others think and behave in the manner that we do and provides us with an opportunity to adjust our thoughts and behaviours as required.

For instance, we all have personalities that will influence our thoughts and behaviours.

My personality style is Stable/Steady. Approximately 65% of the population falls into this category of personality.

The greatest fear of a Stable/Steady personality type is loss of security and one of their weaknesses is resistance to change. This would personally explain why I remained in a career for 19 years even though it did not fulfill me.

After finally gaining an understanding of this I have taken measures to work on this aspect of my personality and this has allowed me to move forward in my life to achieve a greater level of happiness and satisfaction in my vocation.

So many of us go through life not achieving what we want as the result of repeating thoughts and behaviours that do not serve us well.

The first step in improving our results in life is to understand why we are having challenges and what the underlying causes are. If you do not take the time to understand this you will most likely find yourself repeating the same old thought and behaviour patterns and achieving undesirable results in your life.

It is important to be honest in this process. It may bring to the surface some things that you may not like, however it will allow you to work on resolving the issues rather than hiding or ignoring them.

Understanding yourself and others is also a key ingredient in developing quality relationships and knowing how to interact successfully and happily with others.

For instance, when you are in a relationship you need to know what the other person’s needs are. Do you know what they are and if you do are you supplying that in the relationship? Remember the other person’s needs may not be similar to yours so you should not presume that is the case.

There is an excellent book authored by Gary Chapman called “The Five Love Languages”. This book explains that we have to express our love in ways that can be understood by our partners. The five languages of love are quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Do you know and understand what your partners love language is? You may be communicating to your partner in a language that they don’t understand.

There are many serendipities for making an effort to understand yourself and others.

I hope that you will take the positive path of understanding in lieu of the negative path of judgement.

As a Life Management & Success Coach my role is to assist you in gaining the understandings that you need so that you can achieve the results that you desire in your life and ultimately experience a greater amount of happiness.

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

Persistence

2008-11-02T11:11:00.011+11:00

Persistence is the ability to overcome all obstacles between you and your goals.

It is an important trait for you to have if you want to realise your goals.

Whenever you set a goal there will be the inevitable obstacles and challenges. You need to understand and accept that.

How you respond to these obstacles and how persistent you are will determine your success in achieving your goals and ultimately the level of happiness that you experience in your life.

I love reading biographies of people who have achieved great things in their life. The reading of these biographies not only has inspired me, it has revealed to me some common attributes of successful people. On top of the list is persistence. Every person that has achieved success has had their share of failure and setbacks. They would have had obstacles in their way. The key to their success was their persistence and their will and desire to find a way to make their goals a reality. They have a ‘never say die’ attitude.

One of my favourite biographies is ‘The Measure of a Man’. This book is the memoirs of the famous actor Sidney Poitier. I encourage you to read it. After reading it you will understand and embrace persistence.

Unfortunately, too many people when faced with obstacles allow them to stop them from achieving what they truly desire in their lives. You need to be aware that an obstacle or challenge is only temporary and that there is always a solution if you look hard enough that will allow you to keep moving forward towards your goals. The reason that I placed the picture that you see in this article is to highlight this very point. Here is a man with only one normal leg and yet he is climbing a wall. Many people in a similar position would be resigned to the fact that the loss of a leg would stop them from participating in such a physical activity. As evidenced by this picture you can see that there is a solution to all of our challenges. The solutions are not always apparent and forthcoming, however with some persistence you will find the answers if you truly desire them.

I admit that persistence takes courage, but the rewards for being persistent are great.

Promise yourself from now on that you will look at each obstacle and challenge in life as an opportunity to learn and grow as a person. Don’t see them as a reason to quit on your goals. You may find, as I have in my personal and business life, that the true gifts and blessings in life are not the achievement of our goals but rather the lessons that we learn on the road to achieving them.

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

Are Your Questions Helping or Hurting You?

2008-07-29T10:57:00.009+10:00

Pay attention and be aware of the type of questions that you find yourself using.

The questions that you ask yourself can either be helpful or detrimental.

It is important to focus on asking helping questions.

It is unfortunate that the majority of people unwittingly ask themselves questions that keep them stuck in life’s challenges. They ask themselves questions that dwell on the problem, lay blame and reinforce negatives. I term them ‘Stuck’ questions because they don’t allow you to move forward and overcome the challenges.

Have you ever asked yourself these types of questions?

“Why does this always happen to me?”
“Why can’t I do anything right?”
“What is wrong with me?”
“Who is to blame for this?”
“Why doesn’t anybody like me?”

I’m sure you have. We are all guilty of asking ourselves these types of questions. The problem occurs for us when we spend most of our time asking these types of questions. You really do not want the answers to these questions. The answers reinforce negatives that can drive you into despair, inactivity and more failure. They can also lead you to feel upset, depressed and resentful and they can significantly diminish your self-image, self-worth, self-belief and self-confidence.

Wouldn’t it be better if you asked questions that focused on providing solutions and that were productive and positive in nature? If you are not happy with aspects of your life or are encountering problems ask yourself questions that stimulate a positive intention to take action towards positive change. I term them ‘Responsible’ questions because they cause you to take responsibility for the situation. These questions will help you open up to new possibilities and opportunities that can enhance your life and allow you to take control. Ask yourself more of this mode of questions and you will see the positive difference that it will make in your life.

“How can I solve this?”
“What can I learn from this?”
“Who can I speak to for help?”
“What could I do to improve in this area of my life?”
“How can I overcome this challenge?”

So I suggest that you start consciously developing a habit of asking yourself ‘Responsible’ questions that will assist you in achieving the outcomes you desire in your life. Remember, the questions that you are asking yourself will direct the results that are occurring in your life, as questions have a powerful influence in determining our behaviour.

My role as a Life Management & Success Coach is to assist my clients to ask questions that will empower them to take control of their lives and achieve great results and success. If you feel you need help in this area I am happy to be of assistance.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Forgiveness

2008-07-29T10:36:00.015+10:00

Forgiveness is about willingly letting go of past hurts so that we are able to live a happier life in the present.

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things for us to do. It is easier said than done, especially when something has caused us great pain or hurt in our lives.

We have all experienced events in our lives that have and will continue to affect us in a negative way if we allow it.

These hurts cause us to have feelings such as sadness, confusion, guilt, bitterness and anger and can lead us possibly to wanting to seek revenge. The more that we dwell on these hurts the more powerful and destructive they become. They can poison our lives. They can also consume a lot of our focus and energy; focus and energy which could be better directed to more important things in our life that will bring us joy and happiness. While we are dwelling on the past hurts we could be missing out on wonderful opportunities in the present.

In my own life experiences I have had situations where I found it difficult to move forward in my life because I was being bothered and consumed with scarring events from the past. It was only when I took some action to heal these scars that I felt a sense of liberation.

Sometimes we fail to realise that we are holding on to past hurts. They do however show themselves in our thoughts, actions and results that are occurring in our lives. As an example, you may have a tendency to automatically think the worst about situations or people or you find yourself becoming easily upset by trivial things. The underlying root cause may be that you have not yet forgiven something that occurred to you in the past.

It is important to point out that forgiving is not forgetting what happened and it definitely is not excusing or denying the event or act that has caused you hurt.

Forgiveness is for your benefit because when you are unforgiving it is you that suffers the most and becomes the victim. Don’t allow the past hurts to rule your present life. If you can learn to forgive others and yourself you will improve your overall psychological, physical and spiritual wellbeing. You will experience greater peace and happiness because you will have less anxiety and stress to deal with.

So how do we let go of past hurts and begin the process of forgiveness? Below are a few suggestions.

1. Writing down your thoughts and feelings surrounding the offense and either pass it on to the person/s involved, if you are comfortable with that, or carry out a symbolic letting go of the hurt by destroying the paper that you wrote on.

2. If it is not too threatening or awkward for you, communicate your true feelings by having a conversation with the person/s involved and indicate you desire to forgive them.

3. View the offending act/s in a different perspective that will allow you to forgive.

As I mentioned at the beginning, forgiveness can be a difficult process, however remember that the benefits of doing it are for you.

If it is too difficult to deal with on your own, think about using a coach who can facilitate this process by helping you to identify areas where forgiveness needs to be applied and offering you valuable support during the process.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Comfort Zones

2008-02-01T16:13:00.008+11:00

The term comfort zone is used to denote a mental conditioning resulting in artificially created mental boundaries, within which an individual derives a sense of security.

These boundaries tend to result in an internal state of mind which may not be necessarily true.

Our comfort zone is the environment in which we feel safe—the big ‘comfy sofa’ of our lives. It is physical, emotional, cultural, intellectual and financial. It is made up of the expected and the accepted—the edges are defined by our assumptions and prejudices, by our fear and laziness.

Our comfort zone often shields us from uncomfortable truths and from our fears.

Moving out of our comfort zone can be embarrassing, frightening, painful and traumatic.

When we go beyond our comfort zone boundaries we experience the unknown and this induces tension, anxiety and fear.

Mistakes will be made when we go beyond our comfort zone. It is OKAY to make mistakes. That is how we learn and grow as a person.

Once you have gone outside your comfort zone a few times you will feel more comfortable and will have extended the boundaries of your comfort zone.

Moving out of your comfort zone is probably the single most important step that you can make towards making your desires, goals and visions in life come true.

Don’t allow your comfort zone to deny you from achieving what you want in your life.

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

Breaking Bad Habits

2008-02-01T16:03:00.009+11:00

The vast majority of our behaviours are based on habits that are formed in order to fill a need. That need for instance may be to relieve anxiety, to feel loved, to allow tension to escape etc.

Habits are actions that we perform so often that they become involuntary and we don’t even recognise that we are doing them. These habits reside in our subconscious and are extremely powerful in influencing the actions that we take. Habits become a problem when they do not serve us well and have a negative consequence. You will generally know when a habit is bad as it will leave you feeling unhappy with yourself.

Many people attempt to break their bad habits often in most cases without success.

Breaking bad habits involves discipline, desire and consistent effort and I believe the lack of these makes people fail.

Remember that a habit is created by repetitious behaviour over a period of time, sometimes over many years. It takes work to break them and does not happen over night.

So how can we break these bad habits?

Firstly you need to identify the habits that do not support you. What are the habits that are having a negative impact on your life?

Secondly, make a firm decision to remove the habits from your life.

As I mentioned previously one of the important ingredients in breaking a bad habit is desire. As humans we are motivated either by the avoidance of pain or the gaining of pleasure.

You need to take a serious and honest look at the impact that the habit has caused and will continue to cause in your life. Get out a few sheets of paper and write down a list of all of the negative consequences that the habit has created in the past and will create in the future. The more you can heighten the negatives the better. After completing the list, read it several times and continue to read it at least once every day to remind yourself of the need to eliminate the habit from your life.

Next write down on a piece of paper all of the benefits to you and others that will happen when you rid yourself of the habit. Again, read the list regularly.

If you are the type of person who is motivated more by avoiding pain I would suggest that you read the list of negative consequences more often as this will increase your motivation and desire to change and remove the habit. Needless to say if you are motivated more by gaining pleasure read the list of positive gains more often.

Finally, it is imperative that you replace the old habit with a new habit that will serve you well. This is a very important step in the process as you need to override the old habit in your subconscious otherwise it will be triggered again when a need arises. It is very similar to information on a computer hard drive. You need to erase the previous instructions and programming on the drive and replace it with a new set of instructions. Most people fail in breaking bad habits because they do not understand the power and workings of the subconscious mind.

It all comes down to making deliberate choices. You need to understand that your choices have a consequence. I trust that this article will steer you in the direction to making the choices that provide you with lasting happiness.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach

Are You Having Trouble Balancing Your Life?

2008-02-01T15:56:00.013+11:00

Are you having trouble balancing your life?

This is a common challenge that most people encounter and find difficult to resolve.

I hope that this article assists you in taking some steps to improve the balance in your life.

The 3 important questions that I ask my clients when they want a solution to creating more balance in their life are:

1. Do you value your time?

2. Can you be disciplined?

3. Are you willing to change habits?

What are some causes for us getting out of balance?

· Dealing with the urgent and not the important
· Being disorganised
· Procrastination
· Too much time spent on the phone or computer
· Watching too much television
· Changes in family roles
· Belief systems
· Deterioration of boundaries between work and home
· Disease to please. Can’t say “NO”
· Inability to delegate
· Lack of planning
· Longer work hours
· Clutter in our environment
· Time bandits

What are the consequences of not having balance in your life?

· Poor health
· Stress
· Feelings of frustration
· Fatigue
· Difficult to nurture relationships
· Overwhelmed with urgent tasks
· Regretful thoughts
· Loss of control

As you can read from the list of consequences, a lack of balance in your life can have a detrimental effect on your life and impact your level of happiness.

Below are some suggestions to help you restore some balance in your life.

1. Devote and allocate time to important activities

Don’t ignore important areas of your life simply because they are not in crisis.

Remember, IMPORTANT activities are those which help you to achieve your goals in life and make you happy.

Most people start with the quick, easy or enjoyable tasks. Think about starting with the most IMPORTANT tasks instead.

Eliminate activities that make the smallest contributions to your life.

2. Improve Time Management

Use a Weekly Planner.

To-Do-Lists (Want-To, Should-Do & Must-Do). Shorter the better.

Avoid the LPP system (little pieces of paper)

Prioritise what is important.

Set deadlines.

Whenever possible, perform several roles at once.

Ask yourself, “Is this activity really necessary? Do I want to be spend my time doing this, and if so why?”

3. Avoid Procrastination

Develop a TNT habit - ‘Today, not tomorrow!’

Decide whether it is worth doing. If it is do it! If not don’t.

Do the worst tasks first. It will make the rest of the day a lot easier.

Set a timer for 15 minutes and tell yourself that as soon as it goes off you can do whatever else you want, but until it does, you must sit in that chair and work on the project/activity in front of you.

Clear your mind, ground your thoughts, pause and breathe.

When you feel overwhelmed remember that all you have to do is the next thing. A few next things later and you will have tackled quite a bit.

Celebrate what you have accomplished, no matter how small.

4. Set Boundaries with Communication Technology

Turn off your mobile from time to time.

Spend less time on unimportant phone calls.

Watch less television.

Spend less time on the computer.

Set two e-mail times per day. Avoid the lure of having to read your e-mails regularly. Set boundaries, especially after-hours.

5. Say “NO”

Detach yourself from other people’s emotional and physical hold over you. Don’t be a slave to their “stuff.”

Don’t feel like you have to please everyone.

Make others respect your time and allow them to be aware of your schedule.

Example:

“I will have to check my calendar and get back to you.”

6. Delegate

Look at how you can share the load.

Identify activities that can be done by others.

Call on specialists to do work that you cannot do effectively or efficiently.

Do what needs to be done and let the rest go. Don’t beat yourself up for not completing everything.

7. Plan

Have a plan for your life and how you want to live it. You set the agenda.

Plan out each day the night before. By planning ahead we stay focussed on the true top priorities instead of getting side tracked.

8. Clear the Clutter

Establish systems of organisation.

Use the 3M principle:
(Minimise Clutter, Maximise Space, Maintain Order)

Resolve debilitating and distracting emotions that are getting in your way.

Spend less time with people in your life who are hindering you.

Simplify your life. Make things easier for yourself. Don’t take on too many tasks, try to do too much, and own too much. Focus on one thing at a time.

9. Rest

Stop and enjoy things and people around you.

Schedule more free time in your day.

Schedule a few days each month with no agenda. Billy Joel – “There are times when you need to let the field lie fallow.”

Spend some time alone.

Spend time doing things that you love to do.

10. Paperwork

Find your paperwork a home quickly.

I trust that some of these suggestions will help you to achieve greater balance in your life.

If your life feels to chaotic to manage and you are worrying about it, why don’t you take the first step to solving it by utilising the services of a coach like myself who can offer you the assistance that you need to get your life back on track.

Author: Steven Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

No Is Not A Dirty Word

2007-12-08T22:42:00.006+11:00

Many people find it extremely difficult to say ‘No’ to people’s requests and demands. I personally struggled with this for most of my life.

Why do so many of us find it so difficult to say ‘No’? From analysing my own experiences and talking to other people I have found the following to be some of the causes.

* Habit
* Underestimating a task
* Desire to rescue, serve and please others
* Fear of rejection
* Guilt
* Poor self-esteem and self-confidence
* Not knowing how to be assertive
* Avoids confrontation

It is important to understand that always saying ‘YES’ can lead to overload and feelings of frustration, resentment, stress and can also steel you away from important activities in your life. I classify important activities in your life as activities that make you happy and healthy and that contribute in some way to you achieving your life’s goals.

It is important to understand that when you say ‘YES’ to accepting an undertaking you are always giving up something else in its place. That something else could be time with your loved ones, time-out for you to relax, time that you could be doing some exercise, time that you could be getting more sleep, or time that you could be spending on matters of importance to you or things that you enjoy doing.

When we always say ‘YES’ to other people’s requests for our time without thinking of the consequences we can find ourselves in an unwanted situation where we have very little time to devote to our own life. This can ultimately lead to a decaying of our physical and mental wellbeing if we are not mindful of this fact.

It is essential for your own wellbeing that you respect your own needs and time. It is not selfish at all to devote time to looking after yourself and your own life. It is vital that you look after and love yourself first. You can be of greater benefit to others if you invest time in growing and improving yourself. I know from my experience that if you do not respect your time others will not respect it. You need to set the boundaries on your time. It is your responsibility to set the parameters so that others have an understanding of the importance of your time. As an example in my life I have allocated Sunday as a day of rest, time with my family and friends, and time for me to attend my community church. In the past when people would ask me to do something for them regardless of the day or time I would more often than not say ‘YES’ even if it meant sacrificing something of importance to me. That was attributed to some of the reasons that I have mentioned above. Today my reply to people who may want me to do something for them on a Sunday would be “I would love to help you with that. However, Sunday is an important day for me to spend with my family and friends and to have some rest. I’m sure you can understand and respect that. I will check my diary and look at another time that I could possible assist you.” It is very interesting to observe that now that I have set this boundary people respect it. The power is ultimately in your hands to control your time.

A good habit to create is to always stop and think before accepting a request no matter what is. Then you can make an informed conscious decision of whether to accept it or not. Don’t just say ‘YES’ automatically and regret and resent it later. Some suggestions that you could reply with are:

“I will have to check my calendar and get back to you.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not able to do this right now.”

“Let me think about it and get back to you.”

I believe that Mahatma Gandhi’s following quote sums the topic up perfectly.

“A ‘No’ uttered form deepest conviction is better and greater than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.”

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

Book Review - How to Win Friends and Influence People

2007-06-21T21:20:00.013+10:00

Author - Dale Carnegie

This book will help you solve one of the biggest problems you face: how to get along with and influence people in our daily business and social contacts.

The book was written as a result of a 2 year survey conducted at the University of Chicago and the United Y.M.C.A Schools. The aim of the survey was to determine what adults wanted to study.

The survey revealed that health was the prime interest of adults and their second interest was people.

A search revealed that a practical handbook on human relations did not exist and as a consequence this book evolved.

This book is loaded with fundamental principles on how to understand and get along with people; how to make people like you; and how to win others to your way of thinking.

How to Win Friends and Influence People can assist you in the following areas:

* Getting out of a mental rut, thinking new thoughts, and acquiring new visions/ambitions;
* Making new friends easily and quickly;
* Increasing your popularity;
* Winning people to your way of thinking;
* Increasing your influence, your prestige and your ability to get things done;
* Handling complaints and avoiding arguments; and
* Becoming a better speaker and more entertaining conversationalist.

If you truly want to improve your skill with people this book is a mandatory read.

In essence this book will provide you with the tips and strategies to communicate more effectively with other people.

As a Life Management & Success Coach I suggest that my clients become proactive in becoming better communicators.

Your ability to communicate effectively with other people will determine the level of success that you experience in your life.

I highly recommend that if you want to change the results in your life that you read this book.

Author: Steve Decker – Life Management & Success Coach