Sunday, November 2, 2008

Understanding Yourself & Others

Too many times we judge and blame ourselves or others rather than seek to understand why we or they think or behave in certain ways.

Judging and blaming keeps us stuck and does not allow us to progress in a positive direction. It just keeps us going around in vicious circles.

So many times in our life a lack of understanding creates anger, frustration, heartache, stress, anxiety and negative experiences.

If you take the time to understand yourself and others it will improve the quality of your life.

This understanding allows us to become more aware of why we and others think and behave in the manner that we do and provides us with an opportunity to adjust our thoughts and behaviours as required.

For instance, we all have personalities that will influence our thoughts and behaviours.

My personality style is Stable/Steady. Approximately 65% of the population falls into this category of personality.

The greatest fear of a Stable/Steady personality type is loss of security and one of their weaknesses is resistance to change. This would personally explain why I remained in a career for 19 years even though it did not fulfill me.

After finally gaining an understanding of this I have taken measures to work on this aspect of my personality and this has allowed me to move forward in my life to achieve a greater level of happiness and satisfaction in my vocation.

So many of us go through life not achieving what we want as the result of repeating thoughts and behaviours that do not serve us well.

The first step in improving our results in life is to understand why we are having challenges and what the underlying causes are. If you do not take the time to understand this you will most likely find yourself repeating the same old thought and behaviour patterns and achieving undesirable results in your life.

It is important to be honest in this process. It may bring to the surface some things that you may not like, however it will allow you to work on resolving the issues rather than hiding or ignoring them.

Understanding yourself and others is also a key ingredient in developing quality relationships and knowing how to interact successfully and happily with others.

For instance, when you are in a relationship you need to know what the other person’s needs are. Do you know what they are and if you do are you supplying that in the relationship? Remember the other person’s needs may not be similar to yours so you should not presume that is the case.

There is an excellent book authored by Gary Chapman called “The Five Love Languages”. This book explains that we have to express our love in ways that can be understood by our partners. The five languages of love are quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Do you know and understand what your partners love language is? You may be communicating to your partner in a language that they don’t understand.

There are many serendipities for making an effort to understand yourself and others.

I hope that you will take the positive path of understanding in lieu of the negative path of judgement.

As a Life Management & Success Coach my role is to assist you in gaining the understandings that you need so that you can achieve the results that you desire in your life and ultimately experience a greater amount of happiness.

Author: Steve Decker - Life Management & Success Coach

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